The building was like a razor, slashing into the gunmetal sky. But it was glorious too, diamond sharp.
I walked into the room and worked it, champagne in one hand. They were intrigued. Why does someone studying for a degree in Photographic Arts want to work here at *** uber impressive magic circle law firm ***?!?
By the end I received firm handshakes all round and big smiles. We STRONGLY recommend you apply. I walked away from the doors and as they closed behind me I knew I’d never be applying, never going back.
I watched the sun turn the river Thames pink as I heard their voices in my head.
We’re SO disappointed.
But I knew the second I saw the sleeping pods on the very top floor
‘For the allnighters’
My soul would wither and die here
Golden handcuffs chaining me to misery
Thrown it away! they all said, Wasting your talent! Wasting your gifts!
And from that point on I always knew –
That life, the one where absolutely I met all of the expectations except the one created by the very essence of my soul –
Was never to be the one for me. Or you.
You’re going to let them down. You’re going to disappoint. They’ll tell you over and over again but of course what they really mean
Is nothing to do with you and everything with them
They want you to have everything they have
They want you to settle down, be normal, tame.
I saw it on their faces today even as I walked my dog around the golf resort where I live – I had headphones on but at very close range you could still hear my little bit of gangster rap coming through and the looks clearly said –
Not you!! Not that, here!!! –
And it made me laugh because
Just another disappointment
They think that money fixes everything.
That if only you would live in their ‘real world’ filled with their jewels and trinkets and baubles that they strive 24/7 to have while their creativity, passion, soul withers and dies and they distract themselves with busy-ness to numb themselves from the reality that their very soul cries out for more-
What they don’t get is that
You and I are not for their version of the ‘real world’ and that sure the money is fabulous and great but without SOUL and ENERGY behind it?!?! It’s as empty as their eyes which attack you with the weight of their disappointment
What they don’t get is
How when you’ve lost everything multiple times
You’ll never fear loss ever again – sorry but you and me, we’ve got it all –
And the only thing to fear
Is continuing to exist like them.
And of course everyone will read into this and think it’s about them but what you and I know is that this has only ever been about us –
You and me
We don’t need anything that belongs to them. We don’t need the money I mean sure, we all need money but you and I? We know how to get it, we know how to survive and we’re learning how to thrive in abundance and sure-
might mean we have to work slightly harder maybe a few more hours per week to live our own version of our luxury life
But the real point of it all
Is not dancing to the beat of somebody else’s drum.
You’ve got your own in a way they’ll never have and never take away from you-
So like I said, burn the bridges.
Because it’s not like you haven’t always been the disappointment, the rebellious, the wild child who nobody knows quite what to do with
They’ll make out you’re doing it for attention, that you’ve gone mad; fling insults and blame like objects when they can’t divert your dancing path –
Because you know you no longer exist for their validation
Or anybody’s other than your own –
Stronger now, new truths and warmths and realisations dawning
And if they stand by and call you a disappointment?
So be it
Because we’d rather be a disappointment to our own souls than a conformist slave to their expectation-
Awakening to every sense, every feeling, every emotion, than spending forever asleep in a neat little pod.
When you choose to Live in the way you desire you will always ultimately disappoint –
But never those who feel it too.
You will never be alone
You will tune in to your innate wisdom
To deep and open love
Choose your truth now, the root of who you really are is the you that you always have been, the one that’s been asleep for too long-
and there is no running or hiding from that now –
Choose, under the Scorpio moon.
Choose what you really need
Choose re-engagement with life, and life re-engaging with you.