And all of a sudden it was gone.
The fading of a rainbow that you barely notice until you see it’s not there anymore
I didn’t realise it was going until it was gone.
I woke up with no desire to write
No desire to run coaching programs (I’m already full for 1:1 clients but I had no desire to set up and run new ones and ‘scale’)
No desire to launch or promote or ‘be visible’ and certainly not hustle
I resisted it of course!
Perhaps I needed to journal more
to be more inspired
So I wrote more words, visited more pretty French villages and ordered Gary Vee’s new book
And all I felt was the cold of the French winter.
I just didn’t care enough to hustle
To make hustle and grind my life
As Gary wrote in his book to live sleep breathe business
And at the same time…
We sat in the dark and the cold and bleakness. In honesty. Sure it’s pretty in the several weeks of snowfall. But I need to be honest
I felt like my pulse was fading.
To feel alive I need to be surrounded by life
Not that it’s not beautiful here or precious and has given us many gifts
(No doubt we don’t realise the gentle gifts until later)
But with the dying of the seasons part of us sleeps too. It can’t not
But I don’t like so much resting so close to the eternal sleep- I can rest later.
I like energy
I miss the energy of waves that come from living on an island – intense and soft all together perfectly balanced
I need the wildness of the mountains the curve of a coastline embracing me, the sharp edges of rocks and glory and tasting freedom on a wind kissed by the sun.
Rolling France is gorgeous for a break, a vacation
And I wondered how I could not love it more
Why did I not connect with it, Homeland after all, French ancestors beating inside my DNA
When you have a life you don’t need a vacation from
Taking the typical vacation will only ever disappoint
Because you’re trying to find rest and respite from what you love which sounds like insanity really –
Why leave what you love??
And that’s what we had done
We had not drunk in the beauty of all we had
Tried to find the idyll
But the idyll was brutal because of course
We had never needed it to begin with.
Years ago we started our four hour work week
A life less ordinary
Adventure and experience and travel and wonder
You and I
We are simply born into it
No matter how much we resist
And we float and fly on the breeze of change and adventure and life and anything that ties doesn’t make us flaky but simply we know
All that is.
And at the same time we lost our beautiful cat (although she will return, I feel it) and tears fell like the snow and burnt a hole where she belongs
The snow passed and she is not here with us, snuggled on our laps (and I’m not even a cat person at all)
And I realised it’s ok to grieve what has gone
Because it can always return
Whenever you’re ready for it.
Writing books is now the furthest thing from my mind
My coaching calendar is filled with the most wonderful spirited multi passionate adventuring women doing beautiful and inspiring things
Making their life their greatest adventure
And I thought – me, too.
And so strangely I fell into a world that I never knew I’d be a part of (yet equally have always known since I was about ten)
And I had to trust the process
It wasn’t even a choice
All of a sudden I woke
And knew that for a while
I would not blog or write or edit or sell or any of it
And I ran into the energy of the cryptocurrency world
And it’s breathtaking. I feel like when I stood on the mountains in Poland with the world beneath my feet. Like I had flown there. Like all is energy.
It’s fast and moving and alive and fresh and challenging and interesting and varied
And I don’t need to do anything more than follow the call and just be there, present and focussed and taking deep breaths
Because riding crypto is like riding wave energy – breathing, in, out, knowing the right times to jump in and out again, understanding the currents and the tides and the temperature and reading it all so you can ride that wave all the way to shore with the sun on your face and the wind at your back and it’s even more beautiful than I imagined
Cryptocurrency – bitcoin and the other multiple coins and platforms that make up the word – it is changing the world. And to be a part of creating the future is watching the opening of a flower and realising that as you watered it for so many days – you? You made this
And when you see that you know right now
There is no way back
There was never meant to be
There is only forward
So will I blog again?
Of course. Will I launch again? Of course. Will I ever edit my Journal For Joy book?
When and if the call comes.
But right now it’s investing and growing and researching and reading those weird charts you never thought you’d understand and you’ve only ever seen in the Wolf of Wall Street
Yet I read them as easily as lines on your hand
The tone of your voice
Or the whisper of the wave because
I’ve always known where this goes and how this story will unfold
And you too
When your crossroads arises
And you feel the fleet of panic and doubt and
If you’re walking away from everything you’ve built – yet again –
And you realise…
You’re not walking away-
You’re walking to.