I’m one of those people who find it naturally easy to be late.
You’ve seen YouTube sensation doing the rounds right now — the adorable little girls holding a mobile ‘I’m so sorry I’m three hours late, I don’t even know what I was doing (three hours looking at pictures of baby goats)’
That’s me. Classic daydreamer which means I spend so much time not even pretending to be productive on social media but actually just staring into space.
Although I’m not actually staring into space like a zombie, I’m usually manifesting in one way or another or dreaming and planning my next products, posts, books, creations, businesses!
And very occasionally — ok probably more often than I like to admit — that stumbles into the procrastination zone and so — — I’m late.
Or sometimes (rarely and it hasn’t happened probably for years thanks to my awesome team plus, apps)
I just forget altogether. Waft around my home in a pleasant daydreamy state looking out at the pool and orchard and then OH CRAP I FORGOT THE THING!!!
But the thing I realised a year or so ago- slightly late to the #obvious party but there you go like I said, I’m LATE! — was that the reasons my results were inconsistent was because I was.
I don’t even mean turning up late to be honest, or not showing up in my groups or online or anything like that. This isn’t really about that — that’s just symptomatic of what’s really going on.
I was inconsistent in my results, because I simply didn’t know how to BE ME.
Which sounds a little ridiculous.
I’m a Libran. And late. And all of the other excuses I used to make as to why I couldn’t just shift it all up a little and stay consistent in my business, brand, life –
When — hiding behind the pretty array of website designs and logos and latte dates that I was ALWAYS late for was the voice that said
It’s still not enough.
I mean — I was always happy with the website designs and logos and meeting my incredible friends for coffee!
But what I meant was
There is more.
As soon as I’d decided on one design and flake and bail on the pretty and want the glamour and gloss (this is going back, quite a while back)!!! Then I’d want the boho spirit. Then I’d want all vibrancy and energy and colour and life and then I’d want to flip back to ocean / country manor kinda girl (I think they’re the same)?
The same as the coffee date in which I’d often get changed at least three times before leaving and / or get caught in that daydream where I’m thinking about a life that isn’t this one.
Not that I’m unhappy with it! I DO have a dream life — NOW- a dream life for me anyway in which I get to live on this heated and hazy Mediterranean island under azure skies and watch the waves every single day and exist on feta and haloumi and Greek salad which is pretty much heaven all by itself –
And one day I sat here and journaled by the waves
And realised the REASON I’ve never been able to commit, not fully, not with any degree of consistency; why I’m often flaky and late, or used to be –
Is because I didn’t ever understand what it would be like to truly ever believe I could have the outcome I wanted.
Because for that to happen I needed to know what the outcome was — and then we get caught in the cycle — if we are flaky and noncommittal and indecisive — how can we decide and commit to an outcome?!?! Something we truly want, above all else?
I’m writing this to myself now of course
How can you ever be fully committed when you don’t even know what it is you’ve really committed to?
What if you believed that — your work would be adored, even if your website looked like it was built in 1988?
What if you believed your friend would always think you looked incredibly gorgeous, even if you made zero effort?
What if you believed that your friends loved you unconditionally?
What if you truly believed in your ability to impact and change the entire world, would you still be flaky and inconsistent then?
What if you believed that what you wanted to receive was already there waiting for you?
What if, actually, instead of aiming to align yourself to a particular outcome or result
Always striving to win, to hit the goal, to beat the competition, to stand out, get noticed, get seen >>> to have the perfect home and family and life and IG and follower count >>> doesn’t that all sound kind of entirely exhausting, actually?
So then maybe if
Instead of beating ourselves up about lateness / indecision / lack of REAL commitment
Instead of trying to constantly MAKE the goal come to us and things happen
What about if we released all expectation of how that should look
And instead concentrate on how we want to feel every day first — and then work from that place?
I would choose the dress that I love the most, simple
I’d wonder if I was late because actually it was something I didn’t want to do based on how I felt about it
You’d be free to speak your truth
Free to decide
Not on the goal — orientated outcome
But simply free to release all barrier to feeling GOOD
Because when we are late / inconsistent / flaky
We don’t tend to feel GOOD about those things!
What about if we just chose instead –
Complete integrity to those things which felt even slightly out of alignment –
because integrity doesn’t EVER mean ‘do things you don’t want to do just so in the eyes of society you are filling your role of responsible and honourable grownup/family member / parent / workerant ‘.
To the dates and meetings you feel you ‘have’ to do
To NOT do the things that make us feel out of alignment in the first place
We have been taught for so long that we should just ‘do what makes us feel uncomfortable’ in order to progress and GET the goal
Which actually is a pretty messed up way of thinking, really!
Hey make yourself feel like crap by doing something you really don’t enjoy for as long as possible so eventually one day the rewards will pay off
Kind of like 98% of western society works actually come to think about it — work in a job you hate because hey at least one day you’ll pay off your mortgage and have a pension — if you haven’t died or got sick or spent all your money by then or just been bloody miserable along the entire journey
Keep feeling comfortable with uncomfortable.
I get it. Stretch and challenge yourself. Keep learning and growing. But in a way that feels expansive and exciting to you!!!
Not in a way that feels, actually draining and exhausting and something you don’t really want to do!!!
And you know –
Your gut will tell you.
My gut instinct, my intuition is pretty fine tuned to the point where I get a literal visceral reaction from someone just by looking at their profile picture or shaking their hand!
How you feel will start in the fringes of your soul and will whisper to your stomach and your heart if it doesn’t feel right.
That anxiety you feel because you’re rushing? It’s not because you’re rushing. Rushing is just speed. We are made to run. Speed alone isn’t bad. So what’s making you anxious?
That exhaustion that creeps up on you at the end of a day I don’t believe is normal, actually. I believe we have come to expect it. But when we connect with endless energy and source energy there is always more energy to receive and tap into! Tired occasionally perhaps. But rarely sick or truly exhausted.
Of course there are things which can drain our energies (if we allow them to)! but when you know how, you can tap into a high energy state again pretty quickly.
I was in bed at midnight last night and up at 5.45 this morning with the kids and I feel amazing (only two coffees so far lol) not because I’m superhuman at ALL but just because today- that felt good to me to do!
So I honoured that.
I honoured myself.
I honour myself.
What if every single day
Instead of trying to structure and plan and control
You simply worked from a place of integrity to yourself first?
Based on experiencing whatever felt good at the time?
Of course the argument would be — surely that means we are just raising a purely selfish and entitled generation who just do exactly whatever they feel with no commitment or loyalty
But maybe actually
What the world needs now IS love sweet love
And we get to share and encourage that in others
when we release all of the barriers to our own self love and care first
Which surely begins with the highest form of integrity
To and for the self, stripped bare of human construct and false beliefs of how we *should* work, act, behave?!?!
Choose what feels good. Choose to lift yourself out of indecision and procrastination and ask yourself
Does this feel good today, to do?!!! What would feel even better?!?!
And when your gut is quietly whispering or sending fringes of anxiety through and to you
Maybe we should listen
At what it’s trying to say
Because when we live in a state connected to the rawest and truest form of ourselves (pure light)
Then we get to connect in the rawest and deepest way
To one another. In our talk and our emotions and our honesty and our commitments and our meetings.
And we move out of indecision and procrastination as we connect to our inner state.
Don’t be late to your date with Integrity. It’s waiting.