There’s a weird energy in the air
Kind of hard edged, kind of rattly, kind of aggressive energy which does allow you to make some progress but not in the golden way you’d expected
Or is there? Maybe it’s just me. Maybe it was just me shouting at my three year old this morning and then feeling like a horrific parent afterwards and consumed with guilt,
Maybe it’s me feeling torn between having (and wanting) to lie down in bed with my five year old who needs me and who has been screaming all evening with new molars coming through and the fact I haven’t even managed to journal today let alone work
Maybe it’s just me who despite living a life filled with people and love today felt a familiar sharp pull of emptiness
Frustration at losing someone from my tribe who I’ve known since day one wasn’t really on board despite us both doing a good job at pretending because I wanted to help and once again put that before my own intuition that serves only to protect me
And each time over and over I torture myself with just a little more brokenness find a few more cracks
Wonder what else I should be doing
What I should be doing right now
Instead of being satisfied with what is and the present.
Although I am – happily curled up next to her as she sleeps pain free now, reading through old testimonials from dream clients and words from my favourite author which never fail to ignite my stars
Always the call to more.
And it’s why I’m here when my body is tempted to sleep right along with them
It’s why these words exist
It’s why you’re here, reading them
Because you know too that no matter what happens-
You’re simply not made to be satisfied.
You’re made for ALL of the emotions to explode across your day and your moments and throughout your life
And of course! When you live this way your life simply won’t be simple.
It’s supposed to be colourful
It’s supposed to have ups and downs and you’ll probably feel the pain more acutely than anyone
because like me sometimes you just want to heal the entire world
Sometimes it feels like you feel the entire world
But what matters is
You still get up
And create your life and business and take action like you’re supposed to.
Reflecting that giant rainbow energy and sending it spiralling outwards
And sometimes you’ll feel raw and spent like you have nothing left to give no words or creativity left and you’ll wonder if this was ever the right route for you
It always was
It always will be
And so there simply is no reason for you to not show up
To not share your stories
To not touch upon the hearts of others
To not live out your creativity or life in the way that you know you desire
So you have two choices
You feel that edgy energy and find reasons not to show up- too tired, feeling too vulnerable or sensitive or not sure why it matter anyway or kids are too much work, shit-showed -up -style stories
Or you continue to create and carry on regardless and find some sort of magic in the mayhem, beauty in the breakdown, creation in the chaos
And then when you do that you’ll be surprised how easy it is
To feel and yet focus anyway
To feel whatever needs to be felt and yet still feel so alive
To look back at your day and see the wonder in it
Tonight I’m thankful for watching the rainstorm across the ocean, being able to treat my girls to some things they really wanted in the Mall, and for the ability to write this to you right now.
Because I chose.
I chose to show up regardless.
What are you choosing? Are you choosing to show up, or be pulled by the winds? Are you choosing to find beauty in your life daily, to honour your calling daily, to show up daily?