August pulling into autumn and the stars at my hair again. Ripping up the old and the unnecessary falling away.
I’m feeling both nesty and uprooted, still.
I’m an October baby, daughter of the fall- autumn is where I find my energetic home, when I feel most aligned, like my soul whirls and is one on the wind and I am both creation and nurturance.
I found my crystals where they’d been lost at the bottom of the wardrobe and I make up stories about a puppy who was afraid of the dark but learned to sit in it with love and stillness and wonder.
I find old images from my film cameras and the piece of my heart that is the shape of England calls me homeward and the France of my ancestors beckons with her sense of belonging that remains elusive here on the island.
And so here we wait. The sun will remain for months to come even though I long for hot chocolate and the furious kissing of rain on the windows.
The girls picnic outside unclothed and I’ve been wondering what it means to be truly naked. Comfortable in your skin beyond the aesthetic, about how being naked is the last true release of feminism and the absolute most freeing thing maybe.
You know those friends who happily strip naked in front of you without a second thought when they get changed? I’m not one of those people. My British – European reserve makes me hide in the corners and and squirm. I am not a ‘naked’ person. Are you?
But I’m wondering if that’s metaphorical, an emotional representation of the many more layers of self and ego I have left to strip away.
And then a tantrum breaks with all its fury and I wonder how much ego I have left to strip and if at some point the goal is supposed to be about shattering our very selves like glass and leaving us a broken mess, maybe another idea we have been sold into. Break them into nothingness or convince them they’re so broken they’ll forever need the industries of help.
I wonder how much more of us is left to shatter before we cry enough.
The giant lizard living in our tower has gone but we met this baby mantis in our flowerpot and the seasons have come full circle again – I take Rob’s hand across the table that is wooden and solid and I marvel at how we made it through another season of togetherness and marriage.
I’m called into a deeper season of work and purpose. When I look back at previous business reincarnations I laugh. Properly want to hit my forehead with a spoon style WHAT was I thinking!
Because what I feel is falling away is the gloss (not that I think I ever really had that anyway LOL, I’m just not a glossy girl! More the nostalgic romantic bookish kind with a love for wandering and adventures who has a permanent sense of being born into the wrong era).
And so LOVE is rekindling because that’s cyclical and seasonal and we tend to forget everything is seasonal and when we are in our natural state of flow we have ebbs and drops and energetic states and to push against these is to resist nature and so no wonder we suffer with illness and overwhelm and so many other things.
So the love for words falls onto the crisp sheets of new journals. Love of what’s gone and all to come.
Making plans and squirrelling them like nuts for the winter and sharing some with my beloved clients so that they can share in them too.
Love of what we have now before the air cools and we jump deep into homeschooling and mountain walks and warming spices. Love being breathed into my work again, the flickering of still-Summer breathing fullness intothe things I’m called to create.
Whole things. Nurturing things. Things which uplight and infuse with confidence, connection, warmth, understanding, motivation.
I’ve realised that when success is so wildly definitive the one thing I want to show my Tribe, my beautiful kinfolk and sisterhood is a deep nurturance and connection. A way back for the self which so often gets caught in doctrine, darkness and overwhelm.
Like beaded prayer threads being weaved between your life and mine.
It’s not about income or fame or glory – like it ever was.
It’s about feeling supported on the way to getting there. It’s about creating precious things and heritage things and complex and simple things and deep deep joy all along the way.
It’s about being able to release the terrors of this world and the darkness of living in this often nightmarish world – finding the joy and fulfilment within ourselves, eachother.
Releasing the old, the dead, that which was never meant to be. Not for you- and about moving into deeper love.
Because the best is yet to come.
PS WRITE HER HEART – Did You Miss This??
Aside from hiring a coach or mentor, journaling with intention – NOT the free-flowy morning / artist pages but specifically with intention of connecting to my purpose and creating my reality – has been the hands down number one transformational thing I’ve done for my business and life.
It is quite literally, life-changing.